Hi friends!
My word for the year is "NEW". Last year, I had been feeling a bit of that mid-life thing creeping up on me, and even fighting the blues a bit. But in God's word, I was reminded, that while I may be bored with me, He isn't. In fact, in Christ, I am a new creation. (2Cor.5:17) I wanted to really embrace the idea that God is still making me new and that there are things about me I have yet to discover. I want to challenge my comfort zone, look forward to new experiences and intentionally open my heart to new things, ideas, learnings, etc... So, I made a goal for myself that I would do something new, that I've never done before- every single day of this new year. We're nine days in and so far, I'm having fun!
I promised to give you a recap so you can see what new adventures I'm having, and I am open to your suggestions too. Some of these might seem insignificant, but to me, they were a way of seeing myself differently- no matter how small. I do have some bigger things planned too and I trust the Lord will lead me through this thing and show me what He wants to show me.
So far, here's what I've done:
Jan. 1- Stayed for 2 back to back church services on a Sunday that I wasn't serving/working. I was glad I did. I needed to hear the message twice and even responding to God in worship- my heart was so much softer the 2nd time.
Jan. 2- Bought art supplies. A table-top easel, canvases, and paints. Never been an artist, and felt like a little kid picking this stuff out. I have it sitting on my dining room table but haven't had the courage to start yet. Waiting for the right day to take the next step and paint something.
Jan. 3- Took down my Christmas tree. Before February! I am infamous for leaving it up way too long. I just love it so much I put off taking it down. This year, I wanted to know what it would feel like to be practical. (hated it)
Jan. 4-Paid for a stranger's coffee in line behind me in the Barnes and Noble. Awkward at first, but I think it made her feel good and it certainly gave me a lift! I prayed it would just make her feel special- like God could see her.
Jan. 5- Had dinner with my friend Lorraine and her new husband Tim for the 1st time. It was a joy to see her so happy and to finally spend some time with this wonderful man I have heard to much about but not really had the chance to know yet. People ask me, if it's hard when my single friends meet someone and I'm still alone. Honestly- never. It comes easily to me to rejoice with the people I love.
Jan. 6- Got my first ever manicure with dark brown nail polish. I see the young girls with it and thought it was time I give it a try. Guys, I know this is no big deal from your perspective- but trust me. Picking out the color when you get a mani/pedi is one of the simple pleasures of life and very seldom, do we venture off into new colors. Sometimes, just doing something a little unexpected- can be a real kick!
Jan.7-My dear friends, The Cabellons, just had a baby girl. I got to hold precious Ruby in my arms-just one day old. So fresh from God and with that mysterious heavenly scent that only a newborn can have. I hope that this new thing, gets repeated many, many times.
Jan. 8- I led worship at Bridgeway which is always a privilege, but what was new, was I taught the congregation a new song. It's called "No One Higher" by Martha Munizzi, one of my favorites. It is a joy to see and hear a few thousand people grab ahold of that new song and start singing it like they mean it. They did.
Jan.9- I took a walk around my neighborhood, at night, by myself. I've never done that or even felt like I wanted to do that. Especially in January, but it was actually very pleasant. And... I started the post-holiday dead Christmas tree judging contest.
There you have it. I already have something planned tomorrow that will stretch me. Also, Mike and Dave will pick something new for me to do from all the suggestions many of you have made. New is good.
So far.
Newly Yours,
Tracey
365 Days of New- Recap
365 days of New
I chose a one word theme for my life this new year- instead of making resolutions. One word- that I prayed about and believe God gave to me. One word that could be a way for me to focus, get back on track if I lose my way, and look for God to teach me about.
My word is... NEW.
2Cor. 5:17 says, "Therefore if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come." Problem is I don't feel so new.
And of course there's this one: Isaiah 43:18-19 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?" No- I don't always perceive it. But I want to.
And how about Lamentations 3:22-23 "...His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Why do I live in old shame instead of embracing God's new compassions?
New.
The word isn't impressive, scholarly word, or even the slightest bit unusual or groundbreaking, but what God is speaking to me about that word is transforming- to me. I have been weighed down the last few months with some old stuff. New hurts have triggered old ones to come to the surface. I have believed things about myself that aren't true of me and I have doubted others love for me because they weren't giving me what I expected. I have been disappointed.
You know how it is when you first meet someone? There is an eagerness to know each other, a genuine interest, a grace to believe the best because you don't have any history to hold over their heads. Even if someone is a scoundrel to everyone who knows them; with every new person they meet, there is a grace to now be better... a fresh start to be the person you want to be - in this relationship. A newness.
After awhile we stop learning about each other and put people in boxes, refusing to see that they are deeper still than what we know and there is more beauty to be revealed. We fall out of love. We fall out of interest. We think it's their fault. But perhaps, we have stopped allowing them to be -new. Familiarity breeds contempt so they say. I think it's true and I have felt the sting of being on the receiving end of people no longer caring to know more of who I am. Disenchanted, bored, and shutting me down so I don't even believe there's more of me worth sharing.
I have also been on the giving end of that kind of treatment. It grieves me and I want to love better than that.
There's so much more to this that God is showing me, but for now, I just want to share with you that "New" is my word. I will strive to believe that God is telling the truth about me, and making me new every day. And I will allow others to be new too. I won't hold history over their heads. I will get to know them again. I want to be the kind of friend that breathes life into people and helps them re-create. And I want to challenge myself to dig deeper and find new things inside of me that God put there for a reason.
One practical way of embracing my word is this. Starting January 1st, I have begun a personal quest: 365 days of NEW.
Every day this year, I will do something I haven't done before. It could be as little as, trying a new food, or taking a new route... Or it could be as adventurous as, well... I'm not telling just yet. But I will keep you posted.
Yesterday, I wasn't working at church like I usually am, and yet I stayed through two services back to back because my pastor asked me to. That was new.
Today, January 2nd, I bought my first set of art supplies. I'm 47 and I'm sure I haven't painted since elementary school. Perhaps it's just my version of a mid-life crisis, but I'm going to paint something, by golly. Just like this new year of my life- a blank canvas is waiting, full of possibilities.
Tracey
False Starts and a New Beginning
False Start (noun) - 1. an invalid start to a race usually due to a competitor beginning before the official signal has been given
2. An unsuccessful attempt to begin something
Hi friends,
I have been pondering the definition of a false start and wondering which applies to me. When this new year began, I was full of hope but apparently that's not all I was full of. I stated I was beginning again with my fitness goals. I was going to do the 30 day shred workout program again. I was going to go back on the Daniel's fast again. I was going to be disciplined, strong, and victorious and finally, finish this thing I started 2 years ago. I have made so much progress. Lost nearly 50 pounds from where I began 2 years ago and last year, really broke through with the exercise and weight loss finally being noticeable in losing 4 sizes.
This is great right? However, at the end of last year, I started to feel a lapse in my momentum. I was tired. Tired of eating nothing but salads and nuts. Tired of working out so hard every day. Just tired. So I gave myself some grace. A day here, a day there... Be careful when you give yourself grace. It can become an excuse, a license to do whatever you want. In fact, what I am learning about myself and about grace, is that I should not be the one giving grace to myself. God is the grace- giver.
Grace by definition is the unmerited favor of God. How can I give that to myself? I don't believe that we understand the principle of denying the flesh that Jesus talks about. Instead, we say things like, "don't deprive yourself, you did well, you deserve a treat, etc..." We don't want to deny the flesh. We want to give ourselves grace. And when I decide to give myself grace, what happens is a misuse of something that is holy. As I put off my plan of exercise and diet, whatever it may be, I slowly lull myself into this place of complacency, where my flesh decides what it will do and my spirit is the thing that's being denied.
I am not trying to beat myself up here- I am trying to grow up here. I want to understand myself and the things that trip me up from making positive changes in my life. I don't have it all figured out. But I do know this. I have had a few false starts this year and it's only January 17th. So I paused to pray and examine my motives again and ask God if perhaps I got ahead of HIs signal to start. The answer is yes. I wasn't ready in my spirit. I had not fully committed this to Him. I had not thought through what His goals for me might be, and surrendered my unhealthy motives.
Instead, I was excited about the "date" of the new year and just wanted to jump in, and finish this thing. Plus, I think I got a bit self-sufficient. I thought, "I've done this before, I know I can do it". Forgetting that it was because of God's help, I was able to make progress- not just sheer strength of will and discipline.
So today, I have found something that I had lost and I believe it will help me begin again. I found the reverence for the process. I am not just magically healed from my struggle of weight issues. I must work at this. I must approach it again with a healthy sense of fear and dependance on my God. One day at a time- one decision at a time. I can't "will" myself to succeed. I can't give myself grace.
But I can and I will call on God to help me begin again and ask Him for His grace. So with fear and trembling and a commitment to share my journey authentically.. and an understanding that denying my flesh is not optional.. I begin again. January 18th, 2010. I know it's not the 1st of the month and I may have to do some math to figure out numbers along the way... How about you?
Humbled,
Tracey
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