Hi friends,
I was out shopping the other night and I don’t know if I was just super sensitive or if it was something God was showing me on purpose, but I was heartsick over what I witnessed. People were fussing with one another. Openly, just walking in the mall...loudly in the department store. I overheard exchanges between people that triggered something in me.
The first one was a married couple in Lord and Taylor.
The man says to the woman in an agitated tone, “Look! How many times do I have to tell you. He doesn’t want one of those."
She says, “But I just thought----“
He interrupts, “Well you don’t know what the h____ you’re taking about.”
I saw another couple in the mall with hands in the air in disgust. He says to her, “Just shut up!” and then walks away from her. She just stands there for a second and then silently tries to catch up with him.
It was contempt in action. This kind of thing is not a little thing to me. If someone that I am in relationship with talks to me like this I am done. Shut down. Humiliated. Hurt. Ashamed. And done. I lived like this for too many years in unhealthy relationships. I wasn’t respected. I wasn’t treasured and I wasn’t honored. And it damaged me.
Watching it from afar, I could feel that hurt all over again. And honestly, this is the thing that terrifies me about “being in love.” I long to be in a fulfilling, beautiful marriage with a godly man. I long to be romantic, close, and willing to serve someone. But when I see this, it triggers the pain of the past and the fear of ever going through that again.
Don’t get me wrong. I know people who love one another will disagree and have difficult times, but there is never an excuse or reason to treat the one you love with contempt.
And I wonder where did it start? Were there signs of this when they dated? How did it get to the point where this kind of behavior was accepted?
I find myself at 46 yrs old where I never thought I’d be. Single. Longing for love, but pretty happy just as I am most of the time. And ironically, the Lord has me mentoring young girls and women who want nothing more than to find Mr.Right.
But their desire to be in any relationship is stronger than their desire to be in a good relationship. What they are willing to accept as normal, what they are willing to put up with, just astounds me.
We teach people how to treat us. If you allow them believe that it’s ok to humiliate, disrespect and shame you now… what makes you think that they will all of a sudden be wonderful to you if you marry them?
It was the love of Jesus that turned it all around for me. If He could be so kind to me...so tender...so full of compassion, grace and mercy...if He could consistently want good for me and put me first and value me so much that He would die for me, knowing how wretched I really am...and He is God...
Then...how could I possibly put up with a mere man treating me like a dog?
I can’t and I won’t.
My dearest sisters, settle for nothing less. Don’t let your desire for romance get in the way of real love.
Instead of just asking for God to bring that man into my life, I am praying also, Lord make me the kind of woman who loves the way You have loved me.
I have a long way to go, but in the meantime, I am single and loved perfectly by a God who knows what I need.
His Beloved,
Tracey
What I Won't Put Up With
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Beautifully worded Tracey and remember you are right where God wants you, in this time of your life ~ Everything In God's Time!
People tell you who they are. So true. How wonderful it is to wait for someone whose love for us is a reflection of the tender way the Father loves us.
Tracey,
Having been there...wanting so much to be loved and treasured. It is so hard. I was in a relationship that was so damaging to me. And like you it damaged me too. I just wanted to be loved so badly that I thought that it was ok. I thought it would get better. And I thought if I loved him enough it would all be ok. I had two wonderful, amazing children with him. I thought my children would soften his heart. It did not. So I finally had to walk away. More broken and damaged than I would have ever imagined myself to be. It definately affected every area of my life. ANd even when I met the most amazing man ever, I was still "damaged" from the previous relationship that I couldn't see just how amazing my new love was. We will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary this Friday. God knew what I needed and he sent my husband. It is a very long story and I think an amazing on, as I reflect now, I see God in so many places that I did not see Him in at the moment.
It is SOOOOO important for EVERY woman to know that you are amazing, and beautiful, and deserving of the world. You should never settle just because you want to be loved. For you are always loved. God loves you and he will never forsake you. You will get more love if you put your trust in God, than you ever dreamed!!!
Tracey,
I really got a lot out of that. Thank you.
Michelle
'tis better to dwell in the corner of a housetop alone...than to be found in Lord and Taylor bickering with your spouse as though you are enemies.
That is sad, and all too common. It's so hard to break those cycles!!
Loved the blog Tracey. My story is:
I, who came from a broken and severely disfunctional home, swore my children would never experience what I did. But with my first marriage I made a huge mistake of marrying for 'security', as opposed to marrying for 'love'. Oh I thought there was love there and I tried hard to build the beautiful family I needed.
Unfortunately it was not to be. I went through all the milestones, was a part of one statistic after another. Single mother. Working mom. Dating pool. But as you know, as I have told you during my calls in, in the morning, my life (and 2nd marriage) have succeeded and bloomed beyond my wildest dreams ever since I asked God and his awesome Son, Jesus into my life. But Tracey, even before making one of the smartest decidions in my life, my 2nd husband Paul, never, ever treated me with the disrespect and disdain as you mention in your blog. Yes, as I have told you that I have drugs, adultery and seperation in my story due to Paul's disease of addiction, when we turned our will and our lives over to the care of God, my life has NEVER been better. Matter of fact, we celebrate 10 years together and 9 years married tomorrow, March15th.
Tracey there ARE kind, caring, loving men of God out there. Even though this day and age they are fewer and 'far-er' between, their out there. And I believe you are still single because God has a specific plan for you. They say patience is a virtue (I wouldn't know - lol) and all good things come to those who wait.
Thank you Tracey. Thank you for being such a joy in the morning and making my ride to work so enjoyable. Thank you for taking the time to put this blog out there. Thank you for being such an inspiration and for being a willing participant in this THING we call Christianity. Don't ever change. And please don't ever leave 95.1.
Much Love.
Becky
That's so sad isn't it?? Too many couples get so used to each other, that complacency starts. Our country is very complacent right now. Even in this recession, we're very rich, that we have time to fight about what to buy and what not to. In other countries, people are having to fight to keep what little they have or just survive. Even the average person who is on welfare probably has a car, small house or an apartment with A/C and heat and running water, along with food stamps for groceries. That's rich compared to a good percentage of people around the world. One of my missions trips was to Africa, and they had practically nothing, and some of the ones who had even a little helped the ones who had absolutely nothing. Those people hoped that they would be able to eat at least once-maybe twice a day.
God Bless!
GOD AFTERNOON TRACEY!!!
I am an engaged mother of three girls, two who are in their mid to later teens. I am trying to explain this to the both of them as they struggle with their past boyfriends. As a matter of fact, I just said these very words to them within the past few weeks and MANY times in the past.
I seperated 12 years ago, and have since divorced. I struggled at times in the period in between the divorce and until about a little over seven months ago when God brought me one of the best gifts of my life, next to salvation-my true love. I hated Valentines day before then and became kind of cynical watching people who were in love.
Until I gave it to God and he told me to put Him first in my life. He told me to seek Him first and He kept reminding me of that-daily. So, I did. For years, I gradually surrendered myself to Him and Him alone. I no longer had the desire to please man with wearing clothes, fine jewelry, or things that I thought man would want to see. He kept whispering to me, "I want you." I got to the point where (most of the time) my priority was to always learn about Him, from Him, thank Him, talk about Him, pray to Him, and of course read His word. I sought to be accepted by Him. One night while riding in my car, He made a promise to me. He told me that He was going to provide me with someone-a helpmate.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that is why God gave me someone. But, God brought me to the point where I found out my life's purpose was to serve Him-totally and completely. Once I did, He brought me to someone who had the same desire as me. Sure, there were a couple before "the one"; but, I prayed to God many more times asking Him to show me their hearts. He did; and, I knew. I found out that, hey these guys aren't the way my Father treats me! Now, nobody's perfect; but, we all have to try to be with His help and this is what matters. You have to know and see evidence of the person's desire of the heart.
Praise the Lord!!! Now I, we are trying to explain to my daughters that VERY same thing. Just place Him first in Your life and let His spirit work out the rest!:)
Live Peacefully!
Hey Tracey I know exactly what you mean on all accts. Past relationships have def scarred me and I to feel if God can love me the way he does, I want a man to also treasure me. My marriage ended in 2006 and then I was engaged to be married last year and we broke up because his career was more important to him. So I to am looking/seeking "Mr.Right", the romance, the full fillment, everything I desire. I believe God will give me that special someone that full fills all my desires. And I believe he will for you to :-) Its funny because I seem to be the one all my friends come to for advise including realtionship advise and sometimes I wonder why? Am I happily married? No ... but they always say Yeah but your not because you dont let them treat you like crap..teach me to be like that. So in all the "crap" Ive been threw helps someone else at least it is for some good. Well love ya and thanks for sharing your story it always helps to know you're not the only one feeling this way.