What I Won't Put Up With

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Hi friends,

I was out shopping the other night and I don’t know if I was just super sensitive or if it was something God was showing me on purpose, but I was heartsick over what I witnessed. People were fussing with one another. Openly, just walking in the mall...loudly in the department store. I overheard exchanges between people that triggered something in me.

The first one was a married couple in Lord and Taylor.

The man says to the woman in an agitated tone, “Look! How many times do I have to tell you. He doesn’t want one of those."

She says, “But I just thought----“

He interrupts, “Well you don’t know what the h____ you’re taking about.”

I saw another couple in the mall with hands in the air in disgust. He says to her, “Just shut up!” and then walks away from her. She just stands there for a second and then silently tries to catch up with him.

It was contempt in action. This kind of thing is not a little thing to me. If someone that I am in relationship with talks to me like this I am done. Shut down. Humiliated. Hurt. Ashamed. And done. I lived like this for too many years in unhealthy relationships. I wasn’t respected. I wasn’t treasured and I wasn’t honored. And it damaged me.

Watching it from afar, I could feel that hurt all over again. And honestly, this is the thing that terrifies me about “being in love.” I long to be in a fulfilling, beautiful marriage with a godly man. I long to be romantic, close, and willing to serve someone. But when I see this, it triggers the pain of the past and the fear of ever going through that again.

Don’t get me wrong. I know people who love one another will disagree and have difficult times, but there is never an excuse or reason to treat the one you love with contempt.

And I wonder where did it start? Were there signs of this when they dated? How did it get to the point where this kind of behavior was accepted?

I find myself at 46 yrs old where I never thought I’d be. Single. Longing for love, but pretty happy just as I am most of the time. And ironically, the Lord has me mentoring young girls and women who want nothing more than to find Mr.Right.

But their desire to be in any relationship is stronger than their desire to be in a good relationship. What they are willing to accept as normal, what they are willing to put up with, just astounds me.

We teach people how to treat us. If you allow them believe that it’s ok to humiliate, disrespect and shame you now… what makes you think that they will all of a sudden be wonderful to you if you marry them?

It was the love of Jesus that turned it all around for me. If He could be so kind to me...so tender...so full of compassion, grace and mercy...if He could consistently want good for me and put me first and value me so much that He would die for me, knowing how wretched I really am...and He is God...

Then...how could I possibly put up with a mere man treating me like a dog?

I can’t and I won’t.

My dearest sisters, settle for nothing less. Don’t let your desire for romance get in the way of real love.

Instead of just asking for God to bring that man into my life, I am praying also, Lord make me the kind of woman who loves the way You have loved me.

I have a long way to go, but in the meantime, I am single and loved perfectly by a God who knows what I need.


His Beloved,
Tracey

Singled Out

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Hi friends!

I was on a cruise last week with my family and friends and one of the activities they had on the ship one night, was a salsa dance lesson. Now, I have to tell you.. I LOVE salsa music and love salsa dancing. Problem is- I really don't know how. But I am drawn to it and I've always wanted to learn. So I figured, it's a free lesson. Why not?

I show up to the class and it became obvious to me rather quickly, that I was the one and ONLY single person in the class. All couples. Nice, happy couples who wanted to learn how to dance together. Now this makes perfect sense, since salsa dancing is with two people.

I'm not really sure what I was expecting or why I was embarrassed. Perhaps I was hoping there would be just one other single person in the class. Or even a smurf or cyclops. It didn't much matter. Just someone who wasn't paired up and wanted to learn how to dance. On a boat with about 5,000 people on it- it seemed a reasonable hope.

But no.

The instructor told all the couples to spread out on the dance floor. I felt my cheeks turn blood red and I tried to slither off the floor, over to the side.. I was hoping that my luck would improve and maybe the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

But Hans, or Sven, or whatever the instructor's name was, saw me slithering, and in front of everyone, loudly, in a Scandanavian-ish accent said, "Where is your partner?"

Funny, I've been wondering that same thing for years.

I answered him like a little mouse. "I don't have a partner. It's ok. I'll just stand over here and watch".

"No!" he said. "You will dance with me."

And just like that, the girl with no partner, alone in a room full of shiny happy couples, was singled out to dance. Not with just anyone - with the Master.

Isaiah 54:4-5 says, "Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated....For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer..."

And for a few moments, I forgot the pain of being alone in that room and I danced. With the best dancer in the place. He knew what he was doing..skilled and strong, he spun me around and made me feel like as long as he was leading, I could do anything.

Singled out to dance with the Master. This is the reality of my life right now and while it might not be what I was expecting, I am honored.


His,
Tracey